It's still sore at the edges, where he doesn't want it to be, beading and lapping inward.
Like maybe it had been around his feet and he hadn't noticed, but thawing feels like falling toward it.
Slipping into cold water, even with his hands around the warm small cup, even with the warm tea slipping down his throat, familiar and home, when home is far away, further than just a few weeks ago, and his second constant (or its it really ... his first ... ever?) is gone now, too, further than a few hours ago, and he knows what he's saying maybe less than he doesn't.
Striving for someone else, for something else, from that all, when it only tugs his heart further into the muddle of his guts,
shivering, shifting, nesting snakes, coiling up on it.
"I will." There's not as much conviction as the snap of sound that had come when Yuri insulted his own skating, his own placing, but he tries to push his own will into it. He has to. He has to for Victor. Find it in himself. Not slip, down and down and down, like he did at the Cup. Show them (show Victor) how much stronger he can be because of all he's learned, been given, been taught.
Even if the thought of it, even the trying for it, alone now, just tightens and sours everything even more in his center.
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Like maybe it had been around his feet and he hadn't noticed, but thawing feels like falling toward it.
Slipping into cold water, even with his hands around the warm small cup, even with the warm tea slipping down his throat, familiar and home, when home is far away, further than just a few weeks ago, and his second constant (or its it really ... his first ... ever?) is gone now, too, further than a few hours ago, and he knows what he's saying maybe less than he doesn't.
Striving for someone else, for something else, from that all,
when it only tugs his heart further into the muddle of his guts,
"I will." There's not as much conviction as the snap of sound that had come when Yuri insulted his own skating, his own placing, but he tries to push his own will into it. He has to. He has to for Victor. Find it in himself. Not slip, down and down and down, like he did at the Cup. Show them (show Victor) how much stronger he can be because of all he's learned, been given, been taught.
Even if the thought of it, even the trying for it, alone now, just tightens and sours everything even more in his center.